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Modern dating is constantly evolving. With a lot of new phrases used to describe relationships, it’s not hard to see why the “swag gap” is gaining traction.
Young People illuminates “the dangers of dating someone with less swag than you,” said Cosmopolitan. A person who has an “all-around more polished aesthetic” than their partner may put up with “public humiliation and awkward situations”.
Self-esteem and power dynamics
The extent of the swag gap goes beyond looks. It can also refer to “differences in success, fame, confidence”, it said BBC.
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A couple with a swag gap can make it work if the one with less swag is a “cheerleader and proud of their partner” rather than feeling “emasculated or resentful,” said TikToker Isabella Duffy.
This opens up a broader discussion about “self-image, attraction and the idea of power in relationships,” said Forbes. A 2021 study evaluated 1,093 heterosexual couples to find that self-esteem and sensitivity to relationship conflict are negatively correlated. Having a swag gap can affect “personal confidence and the overall emotional health of the relationship”.
The increase in comparisons within pairs can be attributed to increased use of social media. People constantly “measure” themselves and their partners against others. As a result, uncertainty increases and the swag gap appears “more significant than it actually is”. Dating apps also provide “endless options” and “opportunities” to search for better-suited companions.
A 2024 study found that those who perceived themselves as having “higher power” in the relationship placed less value in their partner and were “more likely to show interest in others.” This is because they “prioritize their own desires, sometimes at the expense of their partner”.
“Complementary rather than competitive”
It can be a downer when your significant other doesn’t “pull on the punches when it comes to self-presentation,” said GQbut it shouldn’t be a dealbreaker. Successful couples can be “superficially mismatched but emotionally rock solid”.
Seeking only partners who match your “taste, personality and career” goes against the basic understanding of human relationships. Being with someone who has different interests can be “exciting” and open up to new experiences.
For a relationship to be successful, the couple’s differences should be “complementary rather than competitive,” Forbes said. “One partner can enliven social situations, while the other’s grounded presence can provide stability and depth.”
