Chris Appleton conversation tried suicide “one of the darkest nights in my life”

Chris Appleton Looking back on a dark time in one’s life.

In a new interview with On purposeA podcast of Jay ShettyThe 42-year-old celebrity hairdresser opened to have suicidal thoughts earlier. For him the burden of being a gay father would be too much for His two children to carry.

“I felt it would be better for them to have a father who was dead than a dad who was gay. It’s not something I ever talked about,” said Appleton on Wednesday, August 6, who coincided with the announcement of his debut book, Your roots don’t define you.

Britain’s native Shares two children -Son Billy, 22, and daughter Kitty-Blu, 20-with their former partner Katie Katon.

Appleton told Shetty, 37, that Katon was the first to know, and he allowed her time to mourn the end of their relationship. Earlier in the interview he said that even though they were together for about a decade, they were never married.

Getting out to Katon was hard, “Because I loved her I really loved her and I didn’t want to be gay. I didn’t want to be different,” Appleton said.

“But the most difficult part was telling my children,” Appleton said, allowing to share his story was something he never thought he would do. “I feel ready to talk to people because I feel that hopefully will help someone else going through a difficult time.”

He called the idea that his children were tormented because of his sexual preference “really painful” and made him feel “like a disease.”

“I felt it was like a cancer. I wanted to clear it out of me,” he continued, reminiscent of wanting to be “a normal father for them.”

Katon’s mother was the one who delivered the news to the previous couple’s children, who were about 6 and 8 at that time, as it was too much for Appleton to share.

“Suddenly I just felt that I was just shattered their lives, and I felt I had failed as a dad because my job was to protect them and if anyone ever hurt them, I would protect them. But I was (who) hurt them, and I couldn’t understand it,” he said.

After receiving questions from his son, Appleton said he “turned off and I left” because he “felt so much shame.”

Appleton went for a long drive that lasted in “for a couple of hours” and brought with it painkillers.

“I brought a bottle of alcohol and I checked myself in a hotel, and all the time I had a picture of the kids. It was like this computer case it had and they smile on it. They wrote a message on it. It was stupid, it was just a small computer drop, but I just kept all the time,” he said.

After drinking the pills mixed with the alcohol, he said: “I closed my eyes and I was just thinking, this is. This is. I will not hurt anyone anymore … and maybe I will stop hurting too.”

Appleton said the rest was “an blur”, but he remembered that he heard sirens and woke up in a hospital.

“And something changed then, and it was really powerful because I realized that I couldn’t hate myself anymore than I had, and I couldn’t try to stop being gay anymore,” he said, leaving later, “I just remember thinking,” Well, what if I just abandon? How about if I’m just gay and I’m just that? ”

He added, “and at that moment changed somewhat. I decided to live.” Appleton said he was thinking of his eight -year -old me and allowed him to be seen.

“So even though it was one of the darkest nights in my life, I think it was a turning point. And as I say, it’s not something I take easy,” Appleton said. “I think it’s not something I have ever talked about. But I hope other people are looking at this may feel heard or seen and find the help they need, or even maybe it is a parent who is fighting and understands their children to understand how dark it can be when you are left in silence and when you may not be who you really are

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