Tictoker’s alex and ion become sincere about grief while pregnant (exclusive)

When Alex Madison and Jon Buffard Discovered that they expected again, they experienced a series of complicated emotions.

“I was myself and the thought of getting pregnant again was really really scary for me,” Alex, 32, tells People. “When you have experienced a loss, the second time you see a positive pregnancy test, you are a bit beaten with a wave of fear and unknown because it did not work the first time. So why would I think it will train this time?”

On June 22, Alex and Jon, who rose to fame on their Tiktok channels, announced that they expect a child together. Their happy news came almost exactly one year after the couple shared they would Heart cutting lost its first child together at 26 weeks.

Never miss a story – register for People’s free daily newsletters Keeping up to date on the best of what people have to offer, from celebrity news to compelling stories of human interest.

“Thinking about seeing a positive pregnancy test, I think I was really nervous,” Alex admits. “And when I saw that it was positive, it was a completely different experience from the first time I saw a positive pregnancy test.”

“I was extremely nervous and I was just filled with a lot of doubt,” she tells people. “But it was a mixture of emotions because I was really excited to tell Jon because he wasn’t there with me.”

Alex says she spent all day trying to find out how to tell her husband about the pregnancy. She knew she picked him up at the ferry later, and it was a cold, snowy day. “I wanted to make it a special moment,” she says.

She went into a nearby store and found a mug that read “Papa Bear” over the front. She met him outside the ferry when the snowflakes fell and gave him the gift and revealed the happy news.

“It was fantastic,” says Jon, 37,. “I mean, to go back, I think we were just so naive to think about our first pregnancy, like” ah, nothing will happen. “And then it really is a miracle to have a healthy pregnancy.”

“So to get that news, I mean, of course I’m so happy, but immediate fear comes in, too, right?” he explains. “Now we’re on this trip, we hope everything is okay. We hope we have a healthy pregnancy.”

Alex agrees and explains that even when they thought they were in “Safe Zone” last time, nothing is promised until they hold a healthy child in their arms.

“Even if you have healthy scans, even if you have a healthy pregnancy all the time, when you have a loss during any pregnancy, but especially a loss of visibility, you realize that there really is no safe zone,” says Alex. “And it was one of the most eye -opening things for us after experiencing our first pregnancy.”

Now she says that the couple “holds his breath” regardless of healthy scans and positive medical meetings. “I don’t think we will be able to breathe relief until we actually have a child in our (arms),” explains Alex.

“However, we can feel two things at once. We are so happy, but we are also very carefully optimistic,” Jon adds.

That equilibrium applies to the entire pregnancy trip. Although they are content creators and often share their lives on the screen, the two were not sure when would be the right time to let their audience know that they expect again, especially after their first pregnancy.

“We wanted to keep everything private from the beginning,” says Alex. “We were like, ‘We will not share if it is not a successful pregnancy and the child is actually here.’

But things changed when the couple released their Short film called Shower Around Mother’s Day. The film is about a couple who recently experienced a loss of pregnancy, and the man helps his mourning wife to prepare to go to his best friend’s baby show.

“We saw the influence and range it had in the loss community,” explains Alex.

“After dealing with the impact that our short film had on so many people who had gone through what we had gone through, we talked about it and we were, this experience we go through behind closed doors is also extremely isolating,” she continues. “Pregnancy after loss is a whole journey on its own. How can we talk about this in a way that is real, honest and vulnerable so that we can potentially help the loss community to move forward or feel less alone again or process their emotions that handle pregnancy after loss?”

The two decided to wait until they had reached the “milestone” in their third trimester before telling their audience their life -changing news.

“I’ve never put any pressure on Alex. If she never even wanted to announce, I would have it very good with it,” says Jon before he explained that the couple finally decided it would help others learn about their story.

Alex, who is Expecting a girlHas felt good when she gets into her third trimester. It is a welcome change from her first pregnancy, which was high risk and demanded her to change her daily routines.

“Since our previous pregnancy was high risk, I could not be physically active,” Alex explains. “And so this pregnancy I’m done because it is healthy so far, God willing. And so it has been really nice to be able to maintain my routine and be physically active.”

It is not only that she has been able to be physical that has made this pregnancy more fun. Alex shares that since her first was such a high risk, it took a serious mental toll on her.

“I think just because our first pregnancy was high risk it felt like it took 100 years,” she says. “Week to week felt like 100 years because with all the bad news you got, you wait for the next scan to confirm it or to debate it, and then you do all this research.”

“I think just the stress of the first pregnancy did not make fun at all. My mental health was horrible,” says Alex. “My routine was completely different. Mentally, it only takes a fee on you, physically.”

Jon notes that for him it was tough because the whole first pregnancy felt like a bike with bad news.

“I think the repetition of bad news was the worst part,” he says. “It’s like Alex was high risk since every two weeks we would go in, or every week sometimes, and we would get bad news, we would process it, and then we would come to terms with it and then the next meeting it would be more bad news.”

As she approaches to welcome her little girl, Alex says she can’t wait to eat sushi and drink a dirty martini with olives. Since she has mainly been pregnant for almost a year and a half, that celebration may not come soon.

“I can see that it is also very tough for Alex,” says Jon. “It has been almost a whole year, and not being in a routine or feeling like yourself, I can’t imagine how tough it is. So we’re happy to get to the finish line here.”

Alex admits sincere that for her pregnancy has just been a “challenge”.

“Before she is high risk, pregnancy is just a challenge physically and mentally,” she explains. “It’s stressful. And then have to do it again after a loss of visibility, my heart goes out to women who experience full -time loss.”

“It’s already mental anxiety, and I can’t imagine going through a completely healthy pregnancy that handles a loss,” Alex continues. “And so I think it is, again, still a very real fear that I have. But at the same time, similar to what Jon had said before, two things can be true at once. I can still try to remain optimistic and excited and positive when I make it scared.”

“At the end of the day we know that it is beyond our control, and when, God wants, she is here, alive and safe, there will be a whole new set of worries to deal with, as with a real child,” she says.
“And so we’re just ready to get to the next chapter so we can have the real concerns when she’s here.”

There are some things that the couple looks forward to doing with their new little one, like traveling with her daughter and dressing her in matching clothes.

They are also looking at starting a non -profit but enjoy working closely with Griffin Cares Foundation. “They are fantastic to support families who experience loss, prenatal, postnatal loss,” says Alex. “They have been extremely generous with us, just make sure we have the resources we need after processing the loss of Leo.”

Above all, the two hope to reach out to others who have experienced a loss like theirs, which may need support or a laugh.

“The loss community is great. When you experience there, there are many anonymous groups, therapy groups, loss groups that really welcome you in and are so hot. But as a content creator we felt that we had a different perspective because we could again create honest videos about loss and sadness through a comic tone,” explains Alex.

“For us it was really about connection. And so after announcing and seeing the support from people it only creates such a positive environment of openness and connection. And that was really what our goal was.”